Grief and Cancer - The Overlooked Side of Cancer.

Grief Isn’t Just About Death—It’s a Constant Companion in the Cancer Journey.

When we think of grief, we often associate it with the passing of a loved one. But what about the grief that is already woven into the journey of cancer?

Like a river carving its path through ancient stones, grief flows through the landscape of cancer in ways that are both seen and unseen. Whether we are prepared for it or not, cancer creates change and opens us to new channels for understanding what it means to be human.

Imagine a garden you've nurtured for years. Now picture that same garden facing an unexpected drought or frost, threatening the plants you love. This is what cancer grief can feel like—it's not just about the possibility of death, but about witnessing the transformation of a life once familiar into something entirely different. From the moment of diagnosis, patients and their loved ones begin walking an uncertain path, navigating a wilderness without a clear map. They encounter a cascade of losses—health, energy, future plans, identity, roles within the home, financial security, and much more. This silent grief can manifest at any stage as well - from diagnosis, treatment, remission, recurrance, survivorship, and even end-of-life care - and it is often overshadowed by the stress that demands adapting to each change.

If you or someone you love is navigating this type of grief, know this: Acknowledging grief is the first step toward healing and managing the emotional rollercoaster of cancer.

The Unique Challenges of Cancer Grief

Cancer grief is not linear—it’s a labyrinth of emotions with no clear exit. It’s overwhelming, unpredictable, and deeply personal, with complexities at every turn.

Emotional Whirlwinds: Emotions linked to past experiences - like the loss of a relative to cancer can resurface, compounding grief. Feelings of anger, sadness, guilt, and anxiety may strike all at once, leading to emotional exhaustion and isolation. I once met with a woman in her mid forties, Betty, who cared for her husband through a long hospital admission. Betty was at the point that she could no longer suppress her bitterness toward extended family members who, despite their support, triggered painful memories and unresolved conflicts. Betty needed space to talk about those conflicts and the anger arising in her each time one of them would attempt to give her husband well intentioned advice.

Role Changes: Cancer reshapes household dynamics in many ways. Take for example Stacey and Jacinta - Stacey for many years had been the primary caregiver for their daughter April, managing school drop offs and pick ups and attending extracurricular activities while Jacinta worked rotating rosters. Chemotherapy side effects left Stacey exhausted, and Jacinta began to juggle caregiving, work, finances, household responsibilities that demanded more and more of her attention, leaving little time for connection and family time. Their daughter April also faced her own changes and challenges at home — giving up netball and weekend outings with friends to help at home with chores and care of mother riding the side effects of chemotherapy. These shifting roles all added to a snowballing of stress and feelings of helplessness for each of them in unique ways.

Uncertainty: As an oncology social worker, I believe uncertainty is one of the hardest challenges for anyone on a cancer journey. The unpredictable nature of cancer can feel like you are walking in the dark with only a flickering flashlight as your navigation tool - sometimes it shines bright with hope and other times it's dimmed by fear, a fear that can feel all consuming in unknown terrain.

Loss of Control: Patients and families often feel at the mercy of healthcare systems - their is the constant waiting - waiting for test results, waiting for appointments, and adjusting personal schedules to meet treatment schedules. For some, there is a loss of independence, loss of function, loss of finances including inequitable access to treatment depending on a family's financial position. In addition, cancer can also feel like you have travelled to a foreign country where you don’t speak the language and you are completely dependent on interpreters (medical teams) to determine the best path forward.

Communication Challenges: Finding the right words to express one's fears, emotions, and how much about one's cancer journey with loved ones can be especially daunting. Beyond immediate family, extended relatives, friends, and colleagues can sometimes struggle to understand the emotional depth of a cancer journey, and come with good intentions when inquiring about one's journey but this sometimes leaves patients and caregivers carrying the weight of others’ reactions as well as their own grief.

Despite these challenges, with the right support and coping tools, it is possible to navigate cancer grief with greater clarity and ease.

Anticipatory Grief: Mourning Before the Loss

One of the most overlooked aspects of cancer-related grief is anticipatory grief—the mourning that happens the moment you realise loss is coming.

Anticipatory grief is like standing on the shore, watching a storm approach. You can see it coming, you feel the wind shift, but you can’t control its arrival or intensity. This experience is particularly profound during a cancer journey, where each scan, each review, and each treatment decision carries the weight of future possibilities and fears.

Signs of Anticipatory Grief can include:

• Deep sadness as you watch a loved one undergo treatment.

• Overwhelming anxiety about an uncertain future.

• Guilt over preparing for life after a loved one is gone.

I remember working with Samantha, she was a mother of two young people who supported her husband Jack through his lung cancer journey. Samantha looked forward to the start of each day when she took solace in quiet walks—her only escape from the emotional toll of caregiving. She faced sleepless nights battling overwhelming thoughts about how she will manage the finances, how she might attend to the home renovations and the daunting possibility of parenting alone. Thoughts of a future without Jack left her sick with guilt in moments she wished cancer would simply disappear. Her guilt was also accompanied by a dread, a knowing that things will never be the same. Anticipatory grief is as real and intense as the grief we experience after a loss and it doesn't make the loss when it happens any easier. Recognizing it can be a gateway to getting support sooner.

Unexpected Encounters & Cancer Resources of a Different Kind

Cancer, despite its hardships, can also open unexpected doors for healing and understanding. Alongside grief, there can be opportunities for learning, self-discovery, and growth—if you are open to them of course.

Cancer as a Mirror: a cancer journey forces deep re-evaluation of what truly matters in life - health, relationships, time, passions, and purpose. Many people find themselves questioning old priorities, questioning their values and uncovering hidden strengths they never knew they had.

Unexpected Connections: Waiting rooms can become places of shared stories and connection. A conversation with a stranger might lead to discovering a local support group, an incredible complementary therapy, or an online community that provides the exact kind of encouragement you need right at that very moment.

Creative Healing: For some people turning to art, photography, or journaling as an outlet for grief is their sacred space for healing. What starts out as a way to process emotions can quickly transform into a new passion extending to other's in need of support on their journey. I recall working with Phillip, who was a furniture maker of 30 years. Phillip was struggling with not being able to work for the first time in his life. After some exploration on what sparks joy in his work, he recalled his love of the design process, from researching and exploring different approaches, to sourcing the right materials to bring his designs to life. Through this exploration of his love of his work, he recalled having a prior love of photography in his early 20's and after some encouragement Phillip set himself a challenge to transfer his love of work into developing a photography book about the sacredness of life that he could share with his family and community. Phillip captured small moments in his day, like how the sunlight produced waves of light dancing off the trees outside his window. This new found love of photography sustained his creative energy through his treatment and gave him purpose and meaning amidst his grief. His photography book was shared with nurses and patients in waiting spaces during hospital appointments and created a legacy for his family to enjoy for years to come.

Newfound Wisdom: Cancer grief, though painful, can deepen our understanding of life. It teaches us to indulge in small joys, to slow down and connect into the sacredness of human connection in ways that only those who’ve walked this path can truly understand.

If you’re in the midst of this journey, take a moment to notice the unexpected shifts along the way that you may have encountered yourself. Perhaps you've discovered a new part of yourself, like the ability to have courageous conversations with loved ones, or to set boundaries to prioritise your self-care needs when you've always put other's needs before your own. Or perhaps you've found a reconnection with your creative side which has openned doors to connecting with your family and community and new ways. While these experiences may not erase the grief or pain experienced during a cancer journey, these small moments offer glimmers of hope and discovery of what it means to embrase our humanness amidst life with cancer.

EFT Tapping for Cancer Grief: A Tool for Emotional Release

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by grief, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Tapping can be a powerful ally. It's science backed and studies show that EFT can lower cortisol (stress hormone) by up to 43% in minutes.*

Here’s an example of an EFT Tapping script to help you start working through fear of loss and helplessness that can arise during cancer. If you need a visual outline including how the tapping points can to reduce stress and boost your immune system through cancer, see Tapping into Your Immune System's Resilience.

Setup Statement (Karate Chop Point):

Tap on the Karate Chop point and repeat three times: “Even though I feel this fear of what’s to come and at times I feel helpless, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Tapping Sequence:

• Eyebrow (EB): “This overwhelming fear.”

• Side of Eye (SE): “I don’t know what lies ahead.”

• Under Eye (UE): “I’m scared and I'm unsure.”

• Under Nose (UN): “This fear about our future.”

• Chin (CH): “I wish I had more certainty.”

• Collarbone (CB): “It makes me feel out of control.”

• Under Arm (UA): “This fear inside me.”

• Top of Head (TH): “I choose to invite ease into my experience.”

Take a deep breath. Notice any shifts and repeat as needed.

Pro tip: change up the words to what you would actually use. The more it’s in your words to match your experience, the better. Cancer related grief is unique so if these words don't work for you, change them to what does.

And remember this:

• Cancer-related grief is real, it's unique and valid human experience.

• Anticipatory grief is just as powerful as grief after loss.

• You don't have to do this alone—support is available to you.

For many, EFT Tapping can be a lifeline during overwhelming moments. Could it also be that for you?

If this post resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs it as well. Healing is possible, when connection and support are available.

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References:

Stapleton, Peta (2020) Reexamining the effect of emotional freedom techniques on stress biochemistry: A randomized controlled trial.

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Christina Strouzas - holistic EFT tapping practitioner.

Christina is a holistic social worker, Matrix Reimprinting, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner and Reiki master-teacher with a love of holistic practices to enhance wellbeing.

She works with people to free themselves from their grief struggles including those experienced through cancer, so they can move through life with more ease, confidence, love and joy, all while honouring their loved ones and themselves in their own unique way.

Get your free EFT Tapping for Grief Guide here