5 Ways to Get Through Mother's Day When You Are Dreading It.
- Christina S
- May 5
- 6 min read
Updated: May 9
Grieving Mother’s Day: It hits you in the supermarket first.
The pastel cards, the shelves of flowers, the scripted signs shouting “You’re the Best Mum”.
But your mum’s not here. And nothing about this day that feels like a celebration anymore.
Maybe it’s your first Mother’s Day without her.
Maybe it’s your fifth or twentieth, maybe you are watching them slip away in front of your eyes, and it hurts in ways you can’t even explain.
I want you to know this:
You’re not alone.
And what you’re feeling—whether it’s pain, numbness, anger, guilt, whatever tangled emotions arise—they are all valid.
This post isn’t about pretending to be ok on Mother’s Day. It’s about honouring your grief and helping you get through this day, in your own unique way.
When the World Celebrates Mother's Day and You're a Mess.
There’s something uniquely brutal about grieving on Mother’s Day.
Your mother, may have been your rock, your gentle voice and go to person on hard days. She was the keeper of traditions and someone that just knew you, all of you. You can’t replicate that love. Or maybe your relationship was challenged in someway, and her absence brings both relief with pain and sorrow. That grief is totally real, too.
Either way, the grief can feel like a punch in the guts - especially when the whole world is wrapped in ribbons, roses, and beautiful outings celebrating connection.
Here’s the truth we don’t say out loud enough:
Grief doesn’t take a day off. And, there’s no special card for that! Not for hashtags. And certainly not for Mother’s Day.
Why Grieving Mother's Day Feels So Hard.
Mother’s Day amplifies their absence and connection. It’s not just about missing her - there are reminders everywhere that she’s gone.
• It can bring up grief guilt: “You might be questioning yourself with the dreaded ‘shoulds’. Should I be doing something to honour her?” “Shouldn’t I be feeling different by now?” “Should I cry?”.
• You might feel pressure to "be okay", in front your own kids, siblings, friends or others but inside you are singing a different song.
• You might be grieving a difficult or strained relationship, and society doesn’t seem to give space for that kind of story on Mother’s Day.
This day doesn’t just feel messy, it opens wounds. And the grief for our mothers is multilayered. Not only are your grieving the mother they were to you, but you are also grieving who you wished them to be. All the messaging, pictures and pressure of this day can open you up, ever so more, to acknowledge the pain and the grief that is seeking guidance and support.
5 Tips to Get You Through This Mother's Day
Here are five powerful strategies to help you get through this time:
1. Come as you are, grief and all.
You don’t have to smile, celebrate, or even get out of bed if that’s not what you want to do.
There’s no right way to grieve your mother, so take the pressure off yourself and be you in whatever way that shows up.
Put yourself first and ask that beautiful mind of yours to press pause on the ‘shoulds’ - there's no need to 'should all over yourself'.
Give yourself permission to grieve and give it space. If you want to go and visit your mother’s grave site, or her favourite place, do it. Make it a priority and not something you do at the end of the day. Do it first thing if that’s important to you.
2. Create Your Own Ritual
Bake her favourite cake, write a letter, or listen to her favourite music. Or not!
Allow the quietness of the day to bring forth special memories of your mum.
Ritual’s don’t have to be something big or spiritual. It’s all about finding moments to connect with her memory, in a way that feels natural to you.
3. Say “No” Without The Guilt
Take yourself off social media. Get out of town and do your own thing. Opt out of brunch and say ‘no’ to things that drain you.
Saying no, isn’t being rude or disrespectful. By honouring your boundaries you are demonstrating the power of self-love.
And if someone doesn’t understand this or get’s offended: ‘Let them’. It’s not about you, it’s their stuff showing up for emotional healing. Not yours.
4. Attend to the unspoken. Say it, Write it, Speak it, Scream it and Love it.
Try this, imagine your mum is sitting in front of you or alongside you.
Close your eyes. Picture them or sense them.
And say the thing that’s stuck in your throat or heart, that you’ve always wanted to say.
“I miss you”
“Why did you leave?”
“I’m angry at you”
“I wish you were here”.
“I love you”.
Speak it. Whisper it. Write it. Scream it. Do it in a way that feels real to you and speaks from the soul.
And whatever arises, in you, let it be. Let it be expressed, in the fullness of your being. Allow your grief to speak what it needs. There’s nothing you need to do with it other than to give it space.
5. Make alternative plans.
Even if you have the best plan for how to get through the day, come up with another, just in case.
Having some ideas on how to honour your love, your grief in different ways can help shoulder the unexpected if it happens.
Sometimes, even with the best intentions, our grief and life demand different things from us.
So if you had plans to go to lunch with a small group of motherless friends and your child ends up being unwell and need you, look toward alternate plans for possibilities.
Having alternate plan in place, just in case, that's imple and do-able, like chillin on the coach and eating their favourite dessert, might be the thing that get’s you through. And remember there's no right way to grieve. However it happens is enough.
A Message for You This Mother's Day.
As you stand at the crossroads of your longing and your memories, I want you to know this…
You’re doing the impossible: living without the person who gave you life, that you shared life with and learnt from.
You carry them in your laughter, your stories, and in their essence held in your heart.
And on this day, when the world celebrates,
I want to acknowledge you.
For loving, sharing and remember them, even if they weren't perfect and even if it hurts inside.
And for riding through this time alongside the grief witin you.
You are her legacy.
And You are enough. Grief and all”.
Get Through Mother's Day With Tapping.
If the emotions feel overwhelming, try this EFT tapping prompt (Emotional Freedom Technique) to ground and soothe your system:
Tap gently on the side of your hand (karate chop point), repeat these statements or come up with your own, and then move through the tapping points while breathing and tapping.
“Even though I feel this deep grief inside me, as I miss my mother today, I honour all my parts and I accept myself, exactly as I am.
“Even though it hurts when I think about them, I can still be gentle with myself today and I accept myself as I am.
“Even though this ache in my heart feels like it’s too much, and I want to hide from everyone on this day, I’m allow my grief to be as it is and I accept all of me.”
Not sure how to get started with tapping for grief – check out my Tapping For Grief Getting Started Guide here
So if your heart feels heavy this mother's day, I want to leave you with this:
You don’t have to do anything or fix anything today.
You don’t have to feel better.
You only have to feel what’s true for you.
And remind yourself: healing doesn’t mean forgetting.
If you're looking for a space to process your grief more deeply, while honouring yourself or your loved one I invite you to book a free 15-minute “is this for you” call with me.
Let’s explore if Matrix Reimprinting or EFT tapping could help you soften the ache and reconnect with your inner light and guidance.
Or check out more tools for grieving at EnergyWithinYou.com.au
Christina is a cancer and bereavement social worker, Matrix Reimprinting, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner and Reiki master-teacher with a love of holistic energy-based and mindfulness practices.
She works with people to free themselves from their grief struggles so they can move through life with more calm, ease, confidence and love, all while honouring their loved ones and themselves in their own unique way.
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